What to Say to Someone Who Is Grieving: How to Help

When someone is grieving, offer your presence and listen rather than trying to find perfect words. Grief therapist Heather Stang, author of Navigating Loss and creator of the Mindfulness and Grief System, shares ways to support people through loss on The Elisha Show with host Amb. Elisha Arowojobe.

Key takeaways

• Being present can comfort someone who is grieving, even when you do not know what to say.
• Listening and helping with everyday needs are practical ways to support a grieving person.
• Grief can follow divorce, estrangement or job loss, as well as death.
• Healing does not require forgetting someone or simply moving on.

What should you say to someone who is grieving?

Say something simple and make room to listen; you do not need to produce perfect words. The support Stang discusses centers on presence and compassion, not on finding a phrase that will take away the loss.

If you are unsure what to say, focus on being there and listening to what the person wants to share. A quiet, attentive presence can be more comforting than trying to explain the loss or make the other person feel better immediately.

What should you avoid saying to someone who has experienced a loss?

Avoid hurtful platitudes and words that can make a grieving person feel their loss is being minimized. Stang’s discussion focuses on offering support without relying on stock phrases.

There is no need to force a positive interpretation or suggest that grief should be over by a certain point. Instead, listen and respond to the person in front of you. The aim is not to find a perfect line, but to offer care without dismissing what they are experiencing.

How can you support someone who is grieving in practical ways?

Listen and offer help with everyday needs. Practical support is one way to show care when someone is coping with a loss, alongside simply being present.

Rather than assuming what would help, pay attention to what the person shares and where everyday support may be useful. Grief can feel overwhelming, so a manageable form of help may be more useful than trying to solve the whole situation. The conversation also points to mindfulness and self-compassion as ways of navigating difficult emotions.

Can you grieve a loss that is not a death?

Yes. Grief can arise from divorce, estrangement and job loss, as well as from the death of someone you love.

Recognizing these experiences as losses can help explain why they bring difficult emotions. Stang’s work addresses adapting to loss and carrying forward the legacy of loved ones. Healing, in this view, does not mean forgetting or simply moving on.

About Heather Stang

Heather Stang is a grief therapist, the author of Navigating Loss and the creator of the Mindfulness and Grief System. Her eight-step system helps people adapt to loss and carry forward the legacy of those they love.

Frequently asked questions

What do you say when someone loses a loved one?

Offer your presence and listen rather than searching for perfect words. A grieving person may need compassion more than an explanation or a phrase meant to make the loss feel better. You can support them by making space for what they want to share.

Is it better to listen or give advice to someone who is grieving?

Listening is a practical way to support someone who is grieving. The guidance discussed by Heather Stang emphasizes presence and understanding rather than trying to fix the person’s grief. You can also offer help with everyday needs.

What can I do for a grieving friend besides sending a message?

Be present, listen and look for ways to help with everyday needs. Practical support can matter alongside words of care. Let the person’s needs guide what you offer instead of assuming one response will fit everyone.

Can divorce or estrangement cause grief?

Yes. Grief can follow experiences beyond death, including divorce, estrangement and job loss. These losses can bring difficult emotions, and recognizing them as grief can help make sense of why support may be needed.

Does healing from grief mean forgetting someone?

No. Healing does not mean forgetting or simply moving on. Stang describes adapting to loss while carrying forward the legacy of people you love, rather than treating healing as erasing the relationship.

Listen to the full conversation with Heather Stang on The Elisha Show for more about supporting someone who is grieving and navigating loss with mindfulness and self-compassion.